| I have no more...I have nothing left... |
[Nov. 18th, 2005|03:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accepting loss. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "goodbye my lover" by James Blunt | ] |
"Goodbye My Lover"
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|03:48 am] |
I probably should have said...
Its not what it sounds like.
Its something else that I've had to deal with for the past few years. |
|
|
| Open your eyes... |
[Aug. 14th, 2005|02:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Christine" by Jon Wan | ] |
Well I guess this is goodbye.
After all the arguing and screaming...Its finally goodbye.
I don't know if you will ever read this considering you have most likely deleted me from your friends list on almost everything...
But you just wanted me to tell you I loved you still.
What would have that done for you?
I may wrong, but if that was me, It would have hurt much more. It would have been something that hurt more then what you are feeling right now.
Its also very unfair when you tell me that I need to choose between my family and you. And then you get mad when I do make my choice.
I love how i'm the bad guy eventhough i'm stuck in the middle.
There are 2 sides to this story Amanda, and you have only heard your side. That is not fair at all. But its not like you need to know everything.
Either way. I'm out. You win.
I'm going to write a song about you. Nothing bad. I'll "change the names to protect the innocent". But it will be for you.
Alright, Well...
Just so you know, It was a hard 5 years. But it was very worth it. That was an amazing year that we had. And our plan that we had, I still think about it today.
You meant the world to me...
But I guess that is gone.
-Goodbye |
|
|
| A few words on my dreams... |
[Aug. 11th, 2005|12:01 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Alone | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Then i'll be smiling" by Matt Nathanson | ] |
I wanted a guitar.
My family bought me an electric guitar for christmas...
I wanted to learn how to play.
My family paid for me to have guitar lessons. But I quit because she was not teaching me anything...
I really wanted to learn as much as I could.
I played my guitar as much as I could. when I had free time, my guitar was in my hands. I taught myself how to play. I didn't teach myself scales or music theory, but I taught myself how to play.
I wanted to write my own music.
So I bought a new guitar and I did what I could with that electric guitar.
I wanted to be in a band. Follow the "Rockstar" life.
I've played with many different bands that have failed. My band "Lifetap" was the most successful. Although we did not have a singer.
I wanted to have one of my songs on a CD.
"Lifetap" had a song on a compilation CD. "Forbidden Power" was the song. It was just an instrumental song.
I wanted to play on a stage.
I don't remember the exact date but, "Lifetap" played at Microplay along with "Pray for Mojo" and "Nectar". We were one of the first bands who signed that wall. But after that first show, "Lifetap" kind of fell apart.
I wanted to have fans.
I had a couple little girls ask for an autograph. Even though they were so young, it was still cool. Although I bet they don't remember "lifetap" anymore.
I wanted to do something new with my music.
I bought my first acoustic guitar. An acoustic black/white Ibanez. Which was also given the nickname "Betsy"
I wanted to be in a band with my acoustic guitar.
I started a band with my cousin called "Yesterday's fate". It didn't really go anywhere because we had a problem with our bass players actually showing up to practice. Plus we were really busy at the time with our own lives.
I didn't want to give up, even though time was tough.
I looked for inspiration everywhere. I eventually found it. I just needed to keep it. After a while I found inspiration everywhere. But I had a hard time keeping it. Apparently, people wanted to help me with that inspiration thing. I wrote a song and played it for a friend on her birthday and I also played a set for a different friend at her going away party.
I needed to take the next step.
But I didn't know what that was. Then someone close bought me a new guitar (Which still I thank you). And it pushed me in a direction that I needed to go in. After that, I bought a Mic, Mic stand, and some other things to pursue this.
I wanted to get feedback from people on possible songs.
I uploaded my music to Myspace.com www.Myspace.com/AndyFay and it helped out very well.
Every goal i've put in front of me, somehow i've accomplished it.
But now i'm more nervous than ever.
Because i'm doing this on my own. I don't have anyone to back me up. I'm going alone.
But out of all the criticism, I'm my own worst critic.
My goals now:
Make full CD (Maybe even more than 1)
Play multiple shows
Play shows that people want to come see me play
Have fans
Have fans singing along during show
Having fans asking for autographs
I don't know if i'll be able to make those. I'm hoping and i'm not going to give up. Its just a really tough goal to work for. I know that...
And a goal I have that is set far away.
Getting on a label (Not an Indie label).
I'm just really feeling out of place right now. I feel like that no matter where I am I feel like I am being perceived as an "outsider". I just don't feel like I belong.
It's really tough right now... |
|
|
| Alright, |
[Aug. 2nd, 2005|02:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Mr. Curiousity" by Jason Mraz | ] |
I hate this...
Life is not fair but this is starting to get ridiculous.
I mean shit...Check out my car...
This is just becoming bullshit.
And You.
You are throwing accusations at me when you have no grounds for them.
And you have no idea what is going on with me. you have no idea what my thoughts are.
Well, technically, now you should.
But from my impression...it appears you just ignored it.
Fine, I'm tired of this all...
I'm trying to move back to Boston.
Maybe that will help a lot of people down here... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 15th, 2005|09:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Lost | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Baby" By Dave Matthews | ] |
DAVE MATTHEWS
"Baby"
Baby, it's alright
Stop your crying
Now
Nothing is here to stay
Everything has to begin and end
A ship in a bottle won't sail
All we can do is dream that the wind will blow us across the water
A ship in a bottle set sail
Baby, it's alright
Stop your crying, now
There was a weakling man
Who dreamed he was strong as a hurricane
A ship in a bottle set sail
He took a deep breath and blew across the world
He watched everything crumble
Woke up a weakling again
Some might tell you there's no hope in hand
Just because they feel hopeless
But you don't have to be a thing like that
You be a ship in a bottle set sail
Baby, it's alright
Stop your crying, now
It's alright
So stop your crying, now
Be a ship in a bottle set sail
This is not dedicated to anyone. It is not intended for anyone else.
If its for anyone, Its for me. |
|
|
| Alright, check this out... |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|04:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | A part of me is missing | ] |
Alright, look...
You say goodbye...
But i'm not happy like this. i'm a fucking wreck.
My hands are fucking tied.
I don't know what to do.
If you can't tell that I don't want this, then you don't know me at all...
But I can't change anything. |
|
|
| Life is overrated, but I hope that it gets better as we go... |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|03:14 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Fucking pissed off. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Clocks" by Coldplay | ] |
Alright,
Person 1
That is Bullshit.
Get mad at me for something I HAD to do.
Cause It was something very much needed. Something that I needed very much.
Won't call...
Won't text...
Won't exist...
Congratulations. Just what I always wanted for a birthday present. A Fucking guilt trip.
Thanks,
Person 2
Its not you.
Its my fault.
The comment says it all.
Not to be taken as a mean statement.
Just meant to be true.
Moonlight dancer,
You have an entire sky to dance amongst all the stars.
And all eyes are on you.
Its better for you.
And many would agree.
Person 3*
I fucking hate you at times...
*Person 3 being myself. |
|
|
| Its funny how when the end is near, we think about the beginning... |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|05:49 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Taps" by Justin King | ] |
Wow, so much can happen in such a little amount of time.
It still scares me.
===
I hate how I am happy with the choice that I make one moment, and the next, I can't take it.
===
I feel useless.
===
Anyway, for anyone who cares...
I finished ITT Technical Institute.
I graduated with Honors and 3 other awards.
I now have an Associates Degree.
Associates of Applied Science: Information Technology - Multimedia.
I'm a college graduate.
And i'm only 19.
===
Nothing makes sense anymore... |
|
|
| Guess what... |
[Jun. 3rd, 2005|07:13 pm] |
The one thing I miss most about us is you...
I know what is wrong with me.
I've fallen for you. YES. I've fallen hard for you.
But there is to much being said.
There is to much to fix.
So what do I do...
I've got 2 choices.
1. I take one way and get stabbed in the heart
or
2. I take the other way and get stabbed in the back.
But You said something about getting a phonecall or an email.
So don't worry about it.
I'll be on if you want to talk. |
|
|
| Congratulations. |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|10:22 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "May it be" by Enya | ] |
Fine, You Did It.
You win.
You know why you win?
Because i'm hurting.
Because I _______ ____ ___ ____ ___ ________.
Congratulations.
|
|
|
| Its all about more than this... |
[May. 31st, 2005|04:42 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  You Finally did it! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Stories" by Trapt | ] |
====
Bad mouth me all you want...
I don't care.
====
Hate me all you want
I'm tired of caring
====
You think of me as "Unstable/Unreliable."
Fine, Think what you want.
====
All you do is push me around
I am just going to stay down.
====
No ecnouragement from you or you
Fine, Fuck you then.
====
I'm just a waste of your time.
Then leave.
====
Yell at me all you want...
Cause it will come back on you.
====
You will always be there...
Bullshit.
====
There will always be someone better than you.
Its becoming very obvious.
====
I'm just an asshole.
Apperently...
====
Just go away. Disappear. Leave.
I would, gladly.
====
Failure is something i've come to know very well.
dissapointment is something i've come to know very well.
pain is something i've come to know very well.
=====================================================================================
=XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX===XXXXXX===XXXXXX======XXXXXXXXXXXX======XXXX=====XXXX==========
=XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX===XXXXXX===XXXXXX=====XXXXXXXXXXXXXX=====XXXX====XXXX===========
=XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX===XXXXXX===XXXXXX====XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX====XXXX===XXXX============
=XXXXXXX=============XXXXXX===XXXXXX====XXXXXX========XXXX====XXXX==XXX==============
=XXXXXXXXXXXXX=====XXXXXX===XXXXXX====XXXXXX=================XXXXXXXXX==============
=XXXXXXXXXXXXX====XXXXXX===XXXXXX====XXXXXX==============XXXX==XXXX=============
=XXXXXXX===========XXXXXX===XXXXXX====XXXXXX======XXXX====XXXX===XXXX============
=XXXXXXX============XXXXXXXXXXXXX======XXXXXXXXXXXXXX====XXXX====XXXX===========
=XXXXXXX=============XXXXXXXXXX=========XXXXXXXXXXXX======XXXX=====XXXX==========
=====================================================================================
I'm about to graduate college.
But I'm so mad at myself cause its not what I want to do...
What I want to do is impossible.
But I don't know what else I am to do.
====
Think what you want.
I don't care anymore...
I can't care anymore...
I can't do much anymore... |
|
|
| Its like time is just pushing me... |
[May. 30th, 2005|04:42 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indifferent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Heaven" by DJ Sammy | ] |
The glove compartment isn't accurately named
And everybody knows it.
So i'm proposing a swift orderly change.
Cause behind its door there's nothing to keep my fingers warm
And all i find are souvenirs from better times
Before the gleam of your taillights fading east
To find yourself a better life.
I was searching for some legal document
As the rain beat down on the hood
When i stumbled upon pictures i tried to forget
And that's how this idea was drilled into my head
Cause it's too important
To stay the way it's been
There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all
And here i rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night
There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all
And here i rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night (up all night)
When i'm lying awake at night. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2005|05:23 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Tiny Vessels" by Death Cab For Cutie | ] |
This is the moment that you know
That you told you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark
Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day
All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."
So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me |
|
|
| I was searching for... |
[May. 17th, 2005|03:00 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  I know what I need to do... | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Title and registration" by Deathcab for Cutie | ] |
The worst part is she was right.
She told me everything i've already heard.
And I know it all, i've heard it all before.
But, its getting harder.
A lot harder.
I'm not helping.
I'm sorry. |
|
|
| Its not worth all of this... |
[May. 13th, 2005|05:21 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Why do I do it... | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Where you are" by Marc Broussard | ] |
Gah, I really know how to fuck things up...
Especially my life. |
|
|
| I've been down that road before...Its just a dead end. |
[May. 2nd, 2005|01:03 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Daughters" by John Mayer | ] |
My head is killing me right now. I'm just waiting for it to explode, It would be a much needed relief.
====
Why is it that nothing can be easy for me? Why is it that no matter what I do, there is always a curve put on it. I know life is not suppose to be easy but this is just ridiculous Its like, I want something to solid in my life. I want something that I can rely on. Everything I feel like I know is very unstable. I feel that I need to put more out than others are putting out. I feel that, I'm laying out all of my cards before the game has even started.
====
I don't know if that makes sense to anyone. Although It doesn't matter. No one reads this...
====
I remember when people looked forward to my music.
-But that is my fault. I took to long with it.
I remember all the things said about me. All the good things.
-I still don't see any of it. Its really hard to believe.
I remember so much about my life.
-Bad thing is, most of it are regrets.
I remember the feeling of being left. The feeling of abandonment.
-It happens a lot. My family, my friends, and people I care about.
I remember what it feels like to be a failure.
-Its a feeling I know to well.
I remember what it feels like to be walked all over. To have a heart broken, to be lied to, to be cheated, tricked, and so much more.
-Cause its an everyday thing.
I don't remember when I was 100% truly happy.
-I'm starting to wonder if it will ever happen.
I don't remember smiling from being truly happy. Laughing whole heartedly, having fun with close friends, being apart of something important.
-I can't remember that happening with out my mind having more problems to worry about at the time.
====
I remember so much...
I've forgotten so much...
I've dreamed my whole life. And realizing, its not real.
I've wished for so much, and never had it come true.
I've given so much for others, but its like no one cares or noticed.
I've given up.
And that is what hurts so much.
====
What i want, is ___________
I want to be _________________________ with ________________
I want to have ______________
I want to know ___________________
I want to living in _________
I want to be in __________
I'm not asking for the world on a platter. I just want what is very common for everyone else in the world...
So why can't I have it? |
|
|
| I want to be something that I am, But i'm not. |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|06:47 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Fucking Amazing | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Heaven" by DJ Sammy & Yanou | ] |
I'll keep you coming back for more.
===
I don't know why, But i've better than ever.
I hope this feeling lasts |
|
|
| I'm not really worried, i'm not overly concerned... |
[Apr. 15th, 2005|06:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  I don't fucking care anymore. | ] |
When you live your life for music, you are just a note.
Your heart is one single note.
And when someone hits that note, It stands out...
And to inspire others, That is where beautiful music is made.
--Andy F. |
|
|
| I just want to feel like I belong. |
[Apr. 2nd, 2005|07:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Finding Neverland OST | ] |
Why is my life always so fucked up?
I'm tired of everything.
I don't even know what to do.
for once, I have no solution for my problems.
I'm lost in my own thoughts and I don't know where I'm to go... |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
stringmaster's journal